How About Mom: "Mother's instincts can grow"
What if I don't immediately fall in love with my baby? You might be wondering this as an expectant or new mom. All the images in movies and on television lead us to believe that you'll experience an immediate, intense, overwhelming feeling of love as soon as your baby is born. The truth is: maternal instincts can and should grow.
"Did you have an immediate sense of motherhood, or did it take time for it to develop?" we asked over 1,000 women on How About Mom's Instagram . "I fell in love immediately," 60% of the women answered. Just under half—40%—said this feeling developed gradually.
So realize: for many women, that maternal instinct is something that needs to develop. If you're not immediately in love with your baby, that's perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Even if the stories and experiences around you make it seem like you're the only one.
This also applies to fathers and partners. Many partners say the birth of their child is a special, unforgettable experience. However, it's possible that the deep sense of connection with their baby only develops later, in the weeks or months after the birth.
We asked psychologist Marjolein Brandenburg how exactly that "motherly feeling" develops, and why it can sometimes take a while before you can experience a deep bond or loving feelings for your baby. "All sorts of factors play a role in 'falling in love' with a newborn. Your personality plays a role, but so do how the birth went and how your baby is doing. The truth is, motherhood is a huge adjustment in your life. You need time to adjust to it."
According to Marjolein, that "motherly feeling" is something physiological or physical, comparable to a deep crush. Sometimes you fall in love instantly, sometimes it grows gradually. Trust that things will work out on their own. That something in your feelings or your partner's will change.
Maternal feelings make you want to care for your baby, protect them, and give them unconditional love. They allow your child to bond with you, because you offer them a safe, secure, and loving space. Do you feel like you're still feeling little to no connection with your baby after a while? Then it's important to share these feelings, even if you feel embarrassed about it. For example, with your partner, midwife, or GP. Sometimes you can't work this out on your own. In that case, it's good to ask for help.
Know that you are truly not alone. Maternal instincts can and should grow, dear (expectant) mom.
About How About Mom
How About Mom offers pregnant women and mothers support, information and inspiration with their eponymous app , the honest mother book and online courses, for example on breastfeeding and child & baby first aid . How About Mom was founded by entrepreneurs, sisters and mothers Anna Jacobs and Frederieke Jacobs and is supported by (maternity) care professionals throughout the Netherlands.